Allyship Matters
I recently opened my mailbox and discovered the following card. While the envelope said thank you I was leery of opening it as it had no postage or return address.
Since I purchased (or really got a mortgage for) a house, my family and I have been flying pride flags from June until Halloween along our fence. We usually keep a pride flag on the flagpole year round. Initially the year-round flagpole was dedicated to the pride progress flag, or at least the one we bought before the design was updated to add intersex symbology.
The original flags along the fence (non-binary, transgender, bisexual, and pansexual) represent identities within our household. In May 2024 it become clear to me that the Israel Defense Forces were responding to the horrors of October 7th by following Netanyahu’s orders to commit genocide. I had already written to my senators about my disappointment that they voted to send money to Israel. I purchased a Palestinian flag, a Palestinian pin, and a Free Palestine bumper sticker. About a month after I put the Palestinian flag on our flag pole I found this note and these “Free Palestine” bracelets on our porch.
When it seemed like there might be a lasting, if problematic, peace between Palestine and Israel I switched the flag pole back to the Pride Progress flag. At No Kings protests I usually carry the transgender pride flag, however, during Pride month I carried the Palestinian flag as the trans flag was hanging on our fence.
I feel more comfortable around people, even strangers, that have pride progress flags than with people who have rainbow flags. The movement for queer rights, like many other movements for rights, has frequently excluded people with intersectional identities. Despite the stonewall riot being started by two transgender women of color, Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, the movement quickly was co-opted by gay white cisgender men who not only pushed Marsha and Sylvia out they barred transgender women from queer spaces. The pride progress flag was made to show the importance of protecting all queer identities, especially for people who also have other marginalized identities.
Today some queer “allies” are dropping support and protections of transgender folks either to court conservative and moderate voters or avoid the wrath of the transphobic federal government. Fortunately, the queer community is not standing for it, as shown by pushback against allowing hospitals that dropped gender affirming care for youth from pride events and booing at Democrats in pride parades who have spoken against trans rights.
Some people found safety pins to be performative. At times I wonder if #IllGoWithYou folks would truly go with us.
When pride month began this year I asked my kids, only one of whom is trans, if I should switch the progress flag that was falling apart with the trans flag. Neither replied so I switched it. This card I received helped me to realize that in this moment the transgender flag is more impactful.
Being an ally isn’t without risk. Most people don’t recognize the trans flag or the Palestinian flag. While I got those bracelets from somebody who appreciated the Palestinian flag we also had a commercial vehicle pass us weekdays in the afternoon who beeped and flipped us off for months, even when we weren’t visible.
Having a flag isn’t enough. If you wear a pin that says “IllGoWithYou,” you should also be verbalizing this to the transgender folks you see, or better yet, make gender neutral bathrooms. Make your allyship a way to select a candidate when you vote. Ask how you can help. Write to your representatives. Have brave conversations. Be an active bystander.