The Escape

Army Men are Hard to Draw!

This is a hybrid piece I drew for my Creative Writing class at UIS.

Here is a text version in case it’s hard to read:

Stuck with the boys,
Given ‘manly’ toys.
Wishing to wear frill,
Taught to use a drill.
Missing socializing with girls,
Not allowed to wear pearls.
Seen as a father,
Finding pants a bother.
Can’t be seen to cry,
Must portray the lie.
Shortened hair for promotion,
Can never wear lotion.

My youngest wanted to cosplay as Midna from Zelda: Twilight Princess. I was a little jealous so I thought about what I could cosplay. Not a single male character came to mind. My favorite character was Clara Oswald from Doctor Who. I purchased the skirt, tights, and wedge boots that defined her look in the episode Neil Gaiman wrote, Nightmare in Silver. We wore our outfits and the convention. Not only did it feel right, but I finally felt seen.

After the convention I told my partner, “no more.” This is me, I am she! I will dress as I want. I will grow my hair if I want! I will not be shamed that my closest friends are women.

But what should the kids call me? Do they need a father? I don’t want to displace their mothers. I tell them each, worried at the loss they will feel. Worried because of the loss my partner felt. My son said something to try and reassure me. One of my stepsons eventually said that before I transitioned I took out my self hate on him. My youngest said, “I haven’t lost anything, you’ve always been my mother.”