A version of this poem is in my novel Flipping, which was published by Stephanie Castle Publications. I hope you enjoy it. Here’s a text version:
Where Has My Friend Gone?
She left me just there.
I remember so well what we were.
Our laughs, our cries, and most of all our adventures.
If I dedicated my life to make a time machine could I save us?
I miss the hugs.
I miss her touch.
I miss her smell.
Somedays I think I see her;
in a neighborhood - just a stranger,
In a house - just a shadow,
In an auditorium - just a trick of the light,
In a party - just a doppelgänger,
In a crowd - just another of my mind’s illusions,
In the eyes of my child...
Was it Karma?
What wrong did I do in a former life?
Is it Fate?
Is there something more destiny has in store?
Is it my wrongs in this life - so many from which to choose?
Or is it just the impermanence which I always see lurking and yet here deny!
I find myself in tears;
When I think of a joke to share - which shan’t be funny to any but me,
When I hear something she’d appreciate - that would’ve just been static without her,
When I wake alone - when haven’t I been alone,
When I watch that show we shared - that we fought over how it should have went,
When I hear that song;
That one which we danced to,
That one she put on a mixtape,
That one we sang at the top of our lungs driving a bit too fast and a bit too reckless.
Can’t we hug?
Can’t we hold hands?
Can’t we speak as friends?
Then there are the flashes of anger like IM notices;
Never expected,
Never invited,
Never welcome.
Didn’t I let that anger go?
It’s expectations that lead to pain.
The law that can’t be denied.
The law that is oft forgotten.
Where has my friend gone?
Shall I see her again;
Not as a ghost in an auditorium,
Not as a stranger in a neighborhood,
Not as an illusion in a crowd,
Not as a doppelgänger in a party,
Not as a flicker in my child’s eyes,
But as a whole being in my arms.
Where has my friend gone?
I miss her so.
